As 2015 dawns, I gotta tell you, I am so tired. (And so is my hubby, he's such a hard worker and I'm so grateful for him.) But I don't want to look back on 2014 just as a "hard year." Or as a year that made me exhausted. Yes, those both describe what happened. But God also did something deep and hopefully lasting in my heart.
When I look back on 2014, what I want to come to my mind more quickly than the amount of moving boxes or the tears I cried trying to juggle two kids and a very sore belly is that where I was so, so weak, Jesus was so, so strong. He was incredibly present. I had so many moments of "I can't," but the Lord continued to show me that HE can.
When I look back on 2014, I want to remember:
- The first time I held Rainier in my arms and his giant eyes and crazy hair that make everyone laugh.
- Nicholas' funny and eccentric monologues, the pride on his face when he learned new skills like being potty trained, and his mushy, gushy baby talk voice when he loves on his baby brother.
- The INCREDIBLE family and friends who supported us. Babysitting, cleaning our house, bringing meals, praying...I am humbled and grateful.
- The first sounds of worship at Central Community Church. Grateful, humble tears.
- How much fun Brian and I had on our babymoon before Rainier was born. 2 fancy hotels, great food, flirting like teenagers. I've got a good one.
- That it was a year full of learning, over and over again how loved I am, TODAY. Not as the "better" Mackenzie. Not when I perform well. Nope, the exhausted, crabby Mackenzie is just as loved, just as much of a daughter of my Father. My actions will NEVER change my position with Christ.
I'm excited and expectant for 2015. But I'm not going to muscle my way through, feigning perfection just because it's a new year. I want to rest in my never-changing status as a daughter, enjoy and steward well the people and responsibilities God has given me, and let Him show me that though I can't, He can.