Friday, October 10, 2014

write. publish. heart check. delete. re-write. publish. here we go. (day 9)

I actually wrote a whole post (and published it, and then deleted it) about my personality type, and how I want to be better at structuring my life in a way that meshes more with how I "tick." 
Knowing how I work and what makes me feel stable and ready to take on life - that's all REALLY good. It's using God-given wisdom to make smart choices. Knowing myself, my stressors and what makes me feel sane, is very helpful.

But the whole post felt way too self-help-y. Way too "pull myself up by my bootstraps and take charge of my life" kind of talk.
Cuz guess what - I'M NEVER GOING TO BE IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE.
I am a daughter, of a very loving Father - and He's the One who makes the sun rise every day. He's in control, I'm not.

So I tell you that all to say -
I want to submit my personality to the Lord, and let Him use me for His glory.
My strong preferences, my go-to reactions - I want them all to fall under His authority. 
I want Him to use me, totally as I am. A girl with lots of great traits and then some totally psycho tendencies. (Like my total obsession with routines and structure. LOOOOOVVVEEE it.)

I don't want to pigeon-hole people into one personality type, but I'm also learning that I myself am a super strong ESFJ (Any Myers-Briggs personality type-rs out there?). I love routine, I'm a people-person, and I avoid conflict like the plague. (That's not a great one.) I've been a little mama my whole life, loving to take care of people in various ways.

These are all things that make me skip and dance and sing. Love 'em.

As I'm learning more about how God made me, I want to submit all of what I know about myself to Him. I want Him to take my extroverted-ness, my love for structure, my care-taker-ness - and I want Him to use all of that to serve Him and grow His kingdom.

How does this relate to settling down and looking up?
(Because I really don't want to waste my time or your time just looking at me.)

I want to be realistic about who I am and how God has made me. It will help me relate to others, and I think it will help me serve His kingdom better because I won't be trying to do all the things I'm NOT great at. I will use what He's really given me.

But I don't just want to settle into a safe place, and feel stable because I order my days perfectly around how I tick. God hasn't called me to rest in my personality traits and curating a perfect life - He's called me to rest in Him.

So. Here I am Lord. Help me to be wise and make time to love on people and add some more routine into my days. I think those things are part of the unique way You made me. But also? Stretch me. Don't let me be so comfortable and reliant on what makes me feel "safe" that I don't obey You in the hard things. I desire to say yes to You Lord, whether it fits within my ESFJ personality, or not.

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This is Day 9 of my 31 Day Series, Settling Down and Looking Up. click HERE or find me on my Instagram and search the hashtag, #SettlingDownLookingUp, to read the rest of the series.

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