Well it's probably obvious that life has been a little bit full the last few weeks, considering I haven't blogged since the 13th. It's been a good and crazy busy! Trying to soak in the summer days with my boys, went on a family vacation with my siblings and parents, and now we are moving to a new apartment. We also decided to try a month of no grains, no sugar - which is excruciating when I think about chocolate but is also a great reboot after a very snacky summer, and so I'm spending more time in the kitchen. My blog hasn't been the only thing that's been neglected; Brian's birthday banner (from July 11) is still hanging in our living room and it took me almost TWO WEEKS to put away my laundry. So. Busy and crazy, but full of lots of good things.
I've found myself taking a lot of deep breaths, trying to enjoy the busyness instead of feeling plain overwhelmed. I can't help but enjoy Nicholas' hilarious personality (he's been asking for "Taylor Fwift" lately and making up some awesome dance moves), or swell with joy over Rainier's newly found giggle. Yet in the next moment I'm wondering, how do I do this all and do it well? Not like the "I can have it all" mentality, but more like the reality of - how am I going to brush my teeth and help with the church plant and start packing our home and raise my babies, and sleep ever, and not yell
I mess up on this pretty much several times a day. I get way too task-oriented and my kids and my stress levels pay for it. I find myself having to take deep, prayerful breaths to continually keep perspective. I'm also asking for help, though my people-pleasing self cringes at the thought of "inconveniencing people" - because I actually CAN'T do it all and I need someone to hold my baby so I can put things in boxes or pee once in awhile. If I can alleviate some of the pressure/busy, I will because my relationships, my family, is worth it. Actually living in the sweet moments with my kids and putting down my laundry so that I can look at Brian's handsome face is worth it.
As my wise friend Rachael says, I'm digging deep. In many areas, I can't just quit (cleaning the house, packing, being a grace-filled mama, etc.). I've just gotta keep going. So I'm asking Jesus for an abundance of His grace. I'm continually on my knees before Him, saying sorry and receiving grace, over and over again. He's showing me His faithfulness in big and little ways.\
And now you know what's going on if I don't blog for another few days :)