Saturday, July 12, 2014
church planting, one day out.
Well here we are, the day before our very first church service.
I'll be honest, a few years ago when we first decided that we were going to help plant this church in Seattle, I thought that the day before the first service I'd feel vibrant, confident, and woman's pastor-y. (I'm NOT the woman's pastor. But part of me thought I'd be wise and ready to take all the ladies under my tiny wings and shepherd them with ease. At the ripe old age of 26.)
Hardy har har.
If church planting was about me, than maybe that's where I would have ended up. But it's not.
It's about Jesus.
So fast forward to today, staring tomorrow's service in the face, and I mostly just feel feeble.
Excited, expectant because I feel God's call, but oh so feeble.
I think I'm the opposite of ready to take all the ladies under my wings.
I feel desperate and so in need of Jesus. I feel like I'm a teeny baby and not some sparkling example of Godly womanhood or family life. I know I do some things well, and I hope and pray God will use me; but I'm not who I pictured when I envisioned a "church planter."
I think this might be where God intended for me to be all along.
This past year since we moved to Seattle to plant the church, I've felt like I keep getting knocked down and shown how desperate I am for God to move in my life...almost daily. My deep, deep need for Jesus, and for other's wiser than myself to speak into my life, has come to the forefront. Less of "what I can offer" and more of, "well Lord, if you use me, it's ALL YOU."
I think it's safe to say that God, in His grace and love for me, brought me to this place. I can't coast on my own skills. I'm pointing to His goodness and strength because I am truly weak. One day out, and I'm uttering the same words that my friend and pastor of the church has said: "I can assure you, we are not a great church without God. We don't really have that much to offer. Yet, we have the presence of God - and if we get one thing right our first Sunday, our prayer is that God is the one who shines bright. Not us, not our name...but the One who makes all this possible."
One day out and I'm not who I thought I'd be - and I'm so glad. Lord, not my name, but Yours.
(And I'll let you guys know how tomorrow goes!)