Monday, May 12, 2014

three weeks in + real, live hope

*Lifts her head up from dual diaper changes and yet another cup of coffee*
Hello friends! I'm alive!

Woah. These past three weeks of having little Rainier in our lives have been beautiful, tumultuous, exhausting, and FULL. Every single moment feels FULL.

Rainier is the sweetest baby. He sleeps all. day. long. Not kidding. I've called my doctor twice because this amount of sleep can't be normal or healthy, right? But she said just to enjoy it - and so I will. Nicholas loves Rainier and every morning when Nicholas sees him he says, "Rainier, you're here!!!!!!!!" in jubilation. Apparently he's still not 100% sure that Rainier is actually part of the family. Someday it will click :)

In the past three weeks, we've also had two bouts of the stomach flu, a visit to the urgent care and then the Children's Hospital ER for Rainier (everything is totally fine!), an urgent doctor's appointment for me (also totally fine!), and four unexpected doctor's appointments for Rainier. Nicholas continues to give us a run for our money, I'm very much still healing from my c-section, and am still not allowed to lift Nicholas. Brian's back to work, church plant stuff is chugging along, and did I mention we sold one car and bought another?

Typical: Nicholas being silly and crazy.
Not typical: My hair being done. That was a Mother's Day treat - time to straighten my hair :)
And Rainier pooped all over that outfit about 5 minutes BEFORE the picture was taken.

This has been the craziest, FULLEST three weeks of my life. No exaggeration there.
And as I sift through everything - the hours at the ER, the tantrums, the inability to be alone for just one measly second - one thing keeps rising to the top:

The most secure, the most satisfying, the most fun, the most real place to put my hope? It's Jesus.

In really tired moments I've tried hoping that maybe I'll get more sleep tomorrow night - nope.
On days when nothing has gone as planned and I end up at the doctor's office again, I try hoping that maybe in a day or two we'll be healthy - doesn't work.
When I just want one minute to not be holding a kid or preparing food or washing clothes yet again, I hope for five minutes of solace where I'm not asleep - and that doesn't always happen.

But in these past three weeks, when I've placed my eyes on Jesus, His promises have endured.
When I've taken 5 minutes to worship Him, as I'm driving to Starbucks and my little dudes sleep in the back seat, His presence has filled my car and I've been overwhelmed by His love for me.
When I've read or listened to truth, while folding the laundry or bouncing a newborn in my arms, peace and hope have flooded my heart.

Jesus is worthy of my hope. Though I continually grasp at other things to fill me for the moment, Jesus is the one who always is true. He's my hope for the future, and my peace to endure the very moment I'm in. It's enough for a very frazzled, worn-out mom whose got dirty diapers and yesterday's clothes and half a peanut butter sandwich strewn across every inch of her home. His hope is overwhelmingly real, His hope is alive, His hope is enough.

I Place My Hope - Ellie Holcomb. This song is SO worth listening to. On repeat :)
I will lift my eyes from this fragile life / For You will rescue me, You are my Prince of Peace.

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