Wednesday, April 9, 2014

on owning it

Oh boy, there's so much of me that wants to fight this season of my life.
I want to blaze past it and just move on already.

I'd love to be me a year from now. I have a few goals/dreams that I've made a teeeeeny bit of headway on, but are still so far from fruition. They are getting bogged down by a body that has to sit down for hours on end, and a heart that is heavier with prayers and worries than with bountiful encouragement and life-giving words.

In many moments I feel stuck and just tired.
But I also have this hopeful flickering in my heart, that I can't ignore anymore. 

Embracing the hardships and limitations of this season doesn't mean I've given up on my passions. "Giving in" to where my life actually is doesn't freeze my relationship with God or my potential to life an obedient life for His glory.

This little flickering in my heart tells me that owning this season, even rejoicing in it, actually leads me further on the path to being the woman God wants me to be. This season is exactly where He wants to pour into me, teach me, and mold my passions so that I can obey Him. I have this feeling that I will move forward with more faithfulness, more passion, and a deeper commitment to Christ because I haven't blazed through this season.

Even in this time that feels dry and seems to linger on, there are people in front of me. There are truths that my heart needs to learn. There are many chances to say yes to Jesus. I do not want to miss out on these incredibly important parts of my life, all because I just want to move on.

I don't feel ready to say, "Oh, this is what I learned from this season! This is why I went through it and what God was teaching me." But, with heaps of God's grace and strength, I'm ready to let go of what I'm not and what this season is not, and instead ask, "God, what do you have for me here?"
I'm ready to own this season.

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Thank you to women like Rachael, Kara-Kae, MeganAmanda, and others who don't have an internet space that I can link to (Sarah, Miranda, Becky, Jenn, Hannah, to name a few). You have walked out some long and hard seasons, and you have dug in and embraced them beautifully. You have let Jesus meet you there, and He has been proven faithful while also growing beautiful things in you. I look up to you so much and hope to walk out this season in faith, just as you all have before me.

*To be clear - the season I'm talking about isn't my pregnancy. This pregnancy is a major blessing, even if it makes my body super exhausted and does bring some physical limitations. If you've read my blog the past few months, you might know that the last 6-ish months have held a lot of change and transition, in all areas of life. That's what I'm referring to.

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