Wednesday, February 12, 2014

it just takes showing up

I haven't done much more in this season than just show up - but I'm still loved.

During the past six months I've felt like a bump on a log, if the log was life :) Morning sickness, several moves, taking care of my energetic toddler, struggling to adapt to new cities and new friends, and as of late feeling super weighed down by this giant belly - it's taken a lot out of me. I keep apologizing to my family because whenever we hang out I'm lying on the couch or I taking so long to hoist myself off my seat that someone else just takes care of whatever Nicholas needed.

Case and point: making a "camping bed" in the living room so that we can just lay down.
Thank God my toddler thinks this is cool.

I know this is just a season. But the perfectionist, fixer part of me absolutely hates it. I've had to ask so many people for help (gasp!). I want to do it all! I want to be self sufficient! I want to be that friend and wife and mother and daughter and sister who gives, gives, gives. (Not to mention all the ministries I've started and e-books that I've written in my head, which are vetoed by my desire for a nap.)

I'm not doing much.
I haven't produced anything that spectacular, unless you count the baby that God is growing in my belly, or the few meals I manage to put on the table each week.

Yet with all this evidence against me, and all the ways I haven't loved better or done more - I am so, so loved. I'm a daughter. I'm even still cherished.

Maybe I needed a season where all that I could "do" was stripped away to see that it's TRULY, TRULY not about what we do. This does NOT earn us love. It does not write our name in the Book of Life, it does not get us a closer seat to Jesus. It is dirty rags held up before a spotless, breathtaking King.

A King who takes our tired face into His hands, quiets our lips when we begin to say, "but I haven't!", and just says, "You're a daughter. Let me love you."


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