Thursday, September 5, 2013

my reality

I've been rolling words around in my head for the past few days, thinking of what I should share with you, my awesome readers and friends. I've been trying to come up with something encouraging, maybe something for you to chew on as you go about your day.

But you guys? I got nothing.

I like to write naturally, from the overflow of what's happening in my life and what I'm learning. What I'm learning right now? Change is really hard. I am bad at transition. (Oh wait, I already knew that part.) Life "in between" feels muddled, days are running together, and I'm just really tired. That's what feels natural, that's what feels real.

When I want to beat myself up for feeling so out of whack, I remind myself that it's only been 12 days since we moved. I take a lot of deep breaths and I've prayed many a "help me Lord!" prayer. I'm letting it be ok that today I cooked my first real meal in over a week (after deciding that bagels weren't the best choice for dinner). This is my real right now. This is my reality, and it will change to feel more "normal" soon. Right now it's just an uncomfortable, kinda itchy, reality.

So I don't really have a thought for you to chew on. (Maybe you could tell me some things!) But I will tell you this: Jesus has been here with me. He's been present when I've cried big tears. He's knocked on my heart and reminded me that in the middle of all this crazy, I am still His daughter. He sneaks up on me when I watch Nicholas playing with his cousins that he used to barely ever see, and reminds me what a blessing this move is in so many ways.

The transition isn't over yet, and there are many changes coming swiftly.
My heart feels pretty shaky and I miss our friends in Montana.
But in the middle of all this, Jesus is with me. He, and His presence, are also my reality. And He's the reality that I'm clinging to.

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