Wednesday, July 10, 2013

for the non-independent

Last night, I felt like the Lord might want to encourage someone reading my blog today. 
Maybe it's just one person. But to that one person who struggles like I do, I'm writing to you:

I've almost always found my security and comfort in other people.
I hate being alone, I always want someone else's input, and I'm just not very independent.
Maybe it's because I'm a twin and I'm used to having a buddy. 
Maybe it comes from being so short, and therefore having to ask people for help a lot.

But even if there's not one specific "cause" - I still easily put other people in the place of God, relying on them for strength and a feeling of security.
This stops me from feeling like an adult. It causes me to put a lot of pressure on Brian.
And bottom line, "all other ground is sinking sand."
No person can give me the strength or security I'm looking for; it's only Jesus who is everlasting.

I wrote this in May, in my journal:

It’s hard to learn independence at 25.
It’s hard to learn dependence on the Father and NOT on people. Like, for real relying on God.

Changing is hard. Maturing is hard. It’s really uncomfortable and it means sacrifice. I don’t mean that I'm somehow “more mature” now - but learning the hard stuff, is, well, hard.

Jesus has to be enough for me. Not me + Brian. Not me + my mom. Not me + my sister.

It’s gotta be JESUS.

Help me to rely on you Lord.

I’ve prayed this prayer, and you’re giving me opportunities to learn sole reliance on you. But it is really hard and it makes me want to run back into being dependent on people. Oh Lord, don’t let me take steps back, help me to keep relying on you.

A long time ago, I said I would never change. That I’d always need people, in an unhealthy way. I probably dug my heels in.

Tonight, I’m breaking that vow. I’m saying that Jesus is my one and only. He gives people as blessings, and He did create me for relationship with people - but I’m not co-dependent forever. Jesus can bring me out of that.

So tonight, I dig my heels in again. But this time to say that I will ONLY rely on my Father. That I will celebrate having relationships and do my best to pour into them, and to receive from them too - but that they aren’t the be all end all. That God is ENOUGH FOR ME. That I won’t “always need people” and be a mess without a buddy around. Jesus doesn’t define me that way, so I won’t either. 



I'm still growing. I'm daily asking God to be my strength. I'm still tempted to put up a fight whenever He gives me an opportunity to rely on Him instead of people. But there has been growth. And He has been faithful.

To whoever might be "out there," know that Jesus is FOR YOU.
Know that His desire for us to rely on Him isn't so that He can take away our relationships, but so that we can first be secure in His Fatherly love.
Know that you CAN grow.
Know that you probably won't change overnight.
Know that by asking Him to help you, He'll probably give you chances to "practice" reliance - and with HIS strength, you can take on those challenges. Even if it's with gritted teeth and tearful prayers.
Know that Jesus, truly, truly, is enough for you. Yes, you.
And know that with trust comes a deeper level of freedom, and with freedom comes so. much. joy.


Linking up with:
A Royal Daughter


7 comments:

  1. This is exactly what I needed to hear today...even though I have been trying to be closer to God lately more than ever, I have struggled the past few days with going to Him when some things have come up that are not great. Why is that? Why do we do that? Why is it that I need to hear someone say "it will be okay" on the phone instead of just putting my faith in God to know it will be ok if I just go to Him about it? I know you don't know me but, thank you for writing this post...so true and much needed.

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  2. Loved reading this girl. I am definitely one of those that needed to hear/read your words. "And know that with trust comes a deeper level of freedom, and with freedom comes so. much. joy." I want to experience that deeper level of freedom so desperately. Thankful that HE is for us!

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  3. This is beautiful, Mackenzie. Thank Jesus that He doesn't see us as we sometimes see ourselves. Thank you for the encouragement to stand firm on HIM and nothing else.

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  4. Great post Mackenzie! Loved the photo and verse...you are so right and I needed this reminder too. It is so easy to feel like anything that happens to us is because of us, when really God is the provider and all we need.

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  5. Wise words my friend. Very wise - you speak so much truth.

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  6. I definitely needed this. I just told someone the other day i've had such a hard time this summer because I've been unable to participate in things I normally would never pass up! But I've begun to realize God is taking away the opportunity and removing crutches that I use to avoid having to depend only on Him.

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  7. I think relying on ourselves and relying on a higher force (whoever that might be for you) is so importance. I think relying on other people too much puts a lot of pressure on that person and on you and can strain that relationship just too much.

    A lovely, heartfelt post.

    Sarah @ A Cat-Like Curiosity

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