Monday, March 4, 2013

A Plan of Action

I often tackle life in a list-making, "plan of action" kind of way. I see something in myself that I wish was different, and I hatch a plan. Surely, I hope, this little formula will be just what I need to finally change.

This way of organizing life works when it comes to things like meal planning or creating a new system for sorting receipts. But it doesn't really work when it comes to things of my heart. (Which is where I try to "list-make" the most.)

When I'm faced with something in my heart that needs to change, the insecurity in me yells, "Quick! Fix it!" I envision the more even-keeled, kinder, more servant-hearted Mackenzie I want to be, and think, "how do I be her?" And then I (often literally) write out a step-by-step plan to change.

Non of these are bad things to do, and all of them are things I've actually tried in order to grow as a person. But scheduling my life better never changes my heart. It's an empty set of rules. It makes me feel better for a little while, but eventually I'm as discouraged and more focused on my self than I was before.

So after all the self-fixing-efforts, I find myself sitting at the feet of Jesus. I face Him with a humiliated heart and begin my list of apologies and reasons I need Him to change me.

And though I expect a hoop-jumping plan similar to my own, He stops me in the middle of my self-deprecating sentence, and says simply, "Just let me love you."

In this place, I find fulfillment. In this place, I'm less worried about who I'm not and I'm more consumed with the amazing person that Jesus is. In this place, I put confidence in God's faithfulness and His ability to make me look more like Him, little by little. I let go of the lists, and I cling onto His love.

Today I'd like to skip the empty organizing, and head straight to the "being loved." It's first thing on my list :)

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  1. I absolutely relate to your tendency to list make - I am a list maker and organizing junkie by nature. Thank you for the gentle reminder that God does not need a list to tick items off one by one, but can reach into our heart and change us from the inside out. Once again, your post is exactly what I needed this Monday morning.

  2. Thank you so much for this! I needed to hear this today. I am walking through a time right now where I don't know what to do to get "back on track" with God and to be in sweet communion with Him. I think I need to stop focusing what I can do, and focus more on who He is, rejoice in His person, and depend on Him in every moment of my day. I loved this part of your post: In this place, I'm less worried about who I'm not and I'm more consumed with the amazing person that Jesus is." That's what I need to do!

  3. I am queen of list making, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. I've been really struggling to dig into the Word lately, and continue to make lists for myself to become more disciplined in this arena. However, you're right. Lists can't fix this... it is a matter of the heart, and about me and Jesus.

    Thanks for this reminder. I needed to hear it today!

  4. such truth my always. love your heart.

  5. Love your blog! I posted about you today! Love for you to read it =)


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