More Than Just A Mess

I started 2012 feeling a little bruised and worn down. Some things had happened a few months earlier that caused me to question God and His goodness. In my 24 years, I'd never felt more messy or vulnerable. I was a little weary, pretty scared, and holding on to the hope that somehow Jesus wouldn't leave me in this state.

I also started 2012 as brand new mom. Nicholas was just shy of a month old at the new year, and though I was exhausted from my c-section, I was eager to learn my new role as a mama. I began to navigate the waters of newborn sleep "patterns" (ha!), the identity crisis that comes with being a stay at home mom, and my new job as the caretaker of a tiny human being.

When I look back - the beginning of 2012 was a pretty crucial time in my life. I was incredibly tender and I was quite vulnerable. I was learning an entirely new way of life, and in an unstable emotional state. It could have been a disaster. But God, oh He was just so stinkin' good to me.

Though I had barely any words to say to Him, God poured words of truth over me. As my heart for my tiny new son grew and grew, I began to discover God's giant heart for me. As I delighted in Nicholas' first smiles and coos, God showered me with how much He delights in me. It was as if God was mirroring His love for me through the love I had for Nicholas.

In 2012, I wasn't given new life just in the form of my son; I was also given a renewed spiritual life. God gave me new dreams, and restored some that I truly thought were gone forever. He healed my wounds, taught me to trust Him again, and reminded me of my purpose.

As 2013 dawns, I am a completely different person than I was a year ago. It sounds cliche to say - but in this case, it's totally true. It's not like I'm suddenly perfect now, far from. But I am so grateful for the life I have in Jesus. And I am here to boldly say that JESUS MAKES ALL THINGS NEW. The impossibly broken things, He heals. The dead things, He brings to life.

If you're starting 2013 broken, tender, and bruised - there is hope. If you praying that somehow God can use you in the middle of your mess - He can. You are loved. You have a purpose. You are more than your mess.