Monday, December 3, 2012

Autopilot, Rest, and Renewal

Holy cow.

This weekend I actually rested. For the first time in a long time. Brian and Nicholas had a "Daddy Day" on Saturday, which meant that I was home alone for over 4 hours. Brian actually takes Nicholas out a lot, but I am usually running around like a chicken with my head cut off,  completing tasks. Rest never truly happens on those days. But on Saturday I knew that I NEEDED to rest. I was going to break if I didn't. So I spent time with the Lord, folded laundry, watched Downtown Abbey, drank tea, and didn't touch my blog. I didn't go on Twitter, didn't read any blogs. I let my mind wander. I prayed. I was quiet.

 It was incredible. 

A good day of rest together, near Banff, Canada

Because of Saturday, I have been renewed, in every sense of the word.

Quietness sure does something good for your soul. After spending the day doing things that are truly restful for me, I realized just how exhausted and stressed out I have been, for too long. I've been filling my time, and my heart, with constant thoughts and tasks. I felt the Lord speak to me on Saturday that He has things to say to my heart - but the busyness doesn't give Him much room for me to listen. I've been running on my own strength, trying to accomplish a whole load of things that I thought were pleasing to God. That I thought I had to do. 

But even the good things aren't always the right things. When I run on my own energy, hoping that Task A will please someone, and Task B will please God, and Task C will fulfill myself - I burn out. 
I don't give God room to speak. I go on auto-pilot as a wife, and as a mother. (That one makes me cry when I think about it.) I am emotionally unavailable, spiritually dry, and my body breaks down. (I think that puking my brains out while on vacation was a sad display of my exhaustion. Sorry for that picture, but it's true.)

I'm not quite sure how it will look, but in many ways I going to take a step back. I'm hoping to give my life some more margin. I want to hear God when He is speaking to me. I want to serve in a healthier, more aware capacity. I want to be more of an intentional parent and spouse. And I'm going to give myself grace, because I know I'll try to "do it all" again at some point. But I'm grateful that, just like He did on Saturday, the Lord will lovingly redirect me. He graciously reminds me that I need HIM more than I need to accomplish my tasks. Lord, help me to do Your will and not my own.

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If you're looking for a way to rest and spend time in God's Word during this advent season - I'd love for you to join me, and thousands of other women, as we read the Bible together! SheReadsTruth is an online community of women who are reading the Word together  and they have an awesome Advent reading plan that we are reading together! Find the SheReadsTruth advent plan HERE! (You can read on the computer or on any electronic device that is available to download the YouVersion Bible app.)

3 comments:

  1. Glad you were able to catch up on some rest, it's so hard this time of year not to get caught up being so busy and not taking care of what's really important. I hope you're able to find that margin:-)

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  2. i love this. i am feeling this way also lately. i love that we can not just take time to de-stress, but we can take time resting in the Lord, finally listening to what he has to say and letting him stir our hearts once again for our families and what is important. sometimes i have thought of my blog as a part of my ministry to others and i have thought "well, if i don't say something then someone might miss soemthing that I should have said.." and i guilt myself into writing. But how can we give on empty?

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