The words coming out of my mouth sometimes make motherhood sound like more of a hassle than a joy.
I often share stories of my life as a mom that sound something like:
"Ugh, when I was covered in poop the other day!"
"I'd wear that cute top if I wasn't a mom but..."
"I don't get enough alone time because Nicholas fill in the blank..."
Upon realizing that many of my conversations included lines like these, my heart was sad. What am I making motherhood out to be? A huge inconvenience in a life that revolves completely around me?
I'm all for being real about the messiness and exhaustion that comes with being a mom. And I love a good, sarcastic poop story - TMI? But when I reflected on what someone might hear when I talk about my mommy life, I realized that it wouldn't be far fetched for someone to think that I am not incredibly fond of motherhood. That it is an inconvenience. That it is taking up my time, my life plans, my sleep. (Also, there are people in my life whom I adore that can't have children - and I'm complaining about not having enough alone time?)
I'll be honest - the poop stories are real. I am tired. I wish I had more adult time, and that I got to wear cute jewelry without the fear of it being chewed on or yanked off my neck. All of these things about motherhood are true.
But the truth is also that I wouldn't trade the diaper changes or the sleepless nights for anything. The truth is - Nicholas is the joy of my life, the sunshine of my day. He is a person worth treasuring, a little soul I am privileged to cherish. God used Nicholas' birth to bring hope into my life during a time when I felt very hopeless. I don't want to imagine my life without him.
So I want my words to line up with what's in my heart. I want to speak blessing over my son and share about the incredible qualities that God has given him. I want others to hear what has been added to my life since becoming Nicholas' mom. Sure, I still want to share the anecdotes about getting peed on. And I still want to be real about the hard days, because they happen often. But I also want to make it very clear that my son is a blessing, NOT A BURDEN. That motherhood is a gift.
The truth is that I adore the early morning snuggles. I relish the fact that (maybe for right now only!) I'm his favorite person in the world. The sound of his fat little hands slapping the hardwood as he chases me around the house makes my heart want to burst. And those big teeth in that scrunchy grin - oh my heart. Nicholas, you are my joy. Though it would be nice to shower every day and to not be so knowledgable about how to get poop out of the carpet, I would do every moment with you over again. (And again and again).