Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The Beautiful Place of Pain

Last week was a pretty hard week. The details of why aren't important, but it was a bit of a doozy. I prayed a lot, and cried even more than I prayed. And I'll be honest - I am totally one to run from pain. I don't want to feel it, am probably not well prepared for it, and I want things to be over quickly. I don't like the hard, deep questions that pain can cause. So when it comes, I end up crying a lot, usually make quite a few generalizations, and cry out to God for help. (And then my husband/mom/sister/best friends speak truth and sense into me and I mellow out a teeny bit. It's not pretty at first, I'll tell ya.)

Nicholas is super good at cheering me up!
One thing I've learned, though, is that there can be something strangely beautiful about pain. In a non-psycho way, I promise. When I'm super honest about what's going on in my heart, and I cry out to God, there is this incredible moment. This place of peace that is strangely comforting. It's when I am in the middle of feeling so hurt, and the circumstances of why are raging around me, I come to this realization: I NEED Jesus. HE is the only way I will get through this. Life is so shaky, but HE is constant. Everything in my life can change in an instant, but JESUS. I can't do this without Him, and He WILL help me. He has experienced pain on this level, and He'll walk me through it.

It's in these moments that I realize Jesus is the only thing I've got. He's actually the only thing I've really ever got, but the pain-filled moments are when I really know that. And there's this almost strange beauty about the fact that I'm so desperate. There's a glimmer of hope, still totally in the midst of all the pain. My circumstances haven't changed a bit, but Jesus has revealed Himself to me in that moment of hurt. He's never more real to me than in those moments.

It's this painfully pure moment that gives my heart hope. I'm sure not going to ask for more painful moments to come into my life, but these moments make my heartbeat slow down a bit when I want to run from pain. They give me a clearer picture of the reality that this life, all of it, is truly just about Jesus. It's not that my problems are all better, but my heart is encouraged in a deep and real way.

Last week I had a few of these moments. And through them, Jesus gave me hope. Life hasn't fixed itself and things are still a bit hard. But Jesus. I need Him. And guess what? He's made Himself available to me, and to you. I am so grateful.


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9 comments:

  1. I know exactly what you mean when you say that pain is beautiful. Going through a lot in my rather short life, I have experienced a lot of pain. And those are the times when I feel Jesus most. I also cry A LOT, so you aren't alone in that! Those moments are the times when He speaks to my heart and quiets my soul. Those are the times when He consumes me with all His power. It is a beautiful moment. And those moments are what I think back on and realize that He is real and that He is always present. (kind of like your flowers story)

    Thank you for your ever encouraging posts! God bless you and your cute family :)

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  2. Hoping you feel better soon, and realize what the pain was for. His plans are always for good.

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  3. girl, you have no idea how I needed to read these words tonight. Just know that God used you. love you friend...

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  4. This was such a beautiful post. I can just feel your love for the Lord simply by reading this! He shines through you sister! So encouraging!!

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  5. thank you SO much for putting this to words. there really is beauty in pain - a friend once told me the more deeply we experience sorrow, the more deeply we are able to experience joy. thanks for sharing your heart - you have a gift! xoxo

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  6. Thanks for your beautiful transparency, something we all needed to hear. Your blog is as sweet as your lil fam. :)

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  7. Thank you for sharing from your heart. I pray for healing.

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  8. thank you for being so real. i love the part you wrote in italics. amen! will be praying for you.

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