I'm on a journey of learning to trust the Lord.
"What?" You might say. "You've been in full-time ministry for almost 4 years and you still sometimes struggle with trusting the Lord?!" My answer: yes. But like I said - I'm on a journey.
This is a journey I've been on for a little while. I experienced some painful things earlier this year that caused my trust to waver. I questioned God. I became full of fear and worry. And I wondered if He was trustworthy. But because God is good, my journey doesn't end there.
Through God's goodness and His grace, I will grow in this area. I will learn, one day at a time. I’ll grow in being able to say "yes" when He asks something of me. Not because I’m awesome, but because He's faithful. And because He’s so worth following.
Stop 1 on this journey has been admitting to God (and myself) that I've haven't wanted to trust Him. I delayed this portion of the journey for a little while by pretending that I have it all together. But, (like
Stop 2 has been to ask Him to help me trust Him. To focus on the truth that He is good and faithful, and so He will help me to trust even when I'm weak. And to receive His grace - that He loves me no matter what and His love is NOT based on my ability to trust Him. Amazing.
Stop 3? I'm kind of in the middle of that one right now. Stop 3 is diving into His Word, being transparent with other believers, discussing with my husband, and praying a lot. It’s surrounding myself with the truth of who God is, instead of focusing on the what-ifs. It’s remembering who I am, in the light of who God is.
During this 3rd Stop, the Lord led me to read this:
"I’m no longer a delinquent rule follower who can’t get it right. I am daughter who has every reason to trust what Her Dad tells her to do. Because He is wise and good and holy and He wants what is best for her." - From Be Quiet and Say Something by Jessi Connolly.
Reading that paragraph was a (loving) smack in the head. It was a reminder that a) He created everything and is God - so He's definitely worthy of my trust. Why trust in my own crazy imagination instead of the One who created the world? and b) I can say yes to Him, because He is the best Dad in the world. His love for me is crazy and way bigger than I will ever grasp. I’m asking the Lord to continue to reveal this truth to me. It’s something that I need to remember daily, probably for the rest of my life!
This journey isn't over, and I'm excited to see what God does. Although I was afraid to ask, I have asked God to give me opportunities to trust Him. Thanks for coming on this journey with me. I pray that by sharing this with you, the Lord will somehow be glorified, and you will be encouraged to lean on God in all circumstances. I will probably be sharing more as God continues to teach me how to trust Him!
(Please note that there's no formula for learning to trust God. I'm just sharing what God has been showing me to do, but He isn't confined to what I'm sharing today.)
(Photo taken by Hannah Butler)