Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Softer

IMG_0478

My whole life it's been quite easy for me to empathize with other people, sometimes to a fault. I'm the person that cries at the news stories and tears up whenever anyone else is crying. My close friend Becky always looks for me when we're in a group and someone else is crying, because she knows I'll be trying to hide the fact that I'm crying too. This past year was a difficult one for me, probably one of the hardest in my life. My faith was challenged, and to be honest, it was a struggle for me not to harden my heart. I felt foreign to myself; it was not like me to not want to feel emotions or open up to people. I found myself detaching, wanting to board myself up, and not feel anything. With time, the encouragement of friends and family, and the Lord, my heart started to heal. But I didn't totally feel like myself.

I've heard many people say that having children changes you. They say you'll struggle with not feeling like yourself anymore, since so much of what you do day to day changes. Having Nicholas changed me, that's for sure. And I'm so happy, because having him softened me. I've changed, but in a way where I finally feel like myself again. I've noticed myself becoming softer. It is such a blessing. Of course some of the crying could be due to post-baby hormones, and I'm ok with that. But it feels so good to be sensitive again. When something moves me, I cry. When someone talks about their child, or their birth story, or their struggle with not being able to have children, I have to hold back tears. I can't help but empathize with other people.

I now see my sensitivity as a blessing. I used to feel embarrassed at how quickly I felt other people's pain, seeing it as a weakness. I hope that as I age I will be able to embrace it as a gift.

There's something about children that changes your heart. Little moments are more important. Issues that once seemed enormous fade into the background. The here and now become so special. Thank you Lord, and thank you Nicholas, for softening me. Old Mackenzie, it's nice to see you again.

2 comments:

  1. Nice post. Made me think

    ReplyDelete
  2. i loved this post and the link. i still think of you often when something moves me to tears. your ability to care so much is so motivating!

    ReplyDelete

Every comment means a lot to me, so feel free to say hello. Thank you!

BLOGGER TEMPLATE BY DESIGNER BLOGS