Monday, March 12, 2012

A Letter to My Son: Letting You Go

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Nicholas, you are my joy. Every day I try to fool myself into thinking that I can protect you. I think that if I am the right parent, do the right things, and have the right routine, I can spare you from pain and hardship. There's part of me that so badly wants to shelter you, never let you be too independent so that you can't get hurt, wants to cling to the notion that I am in control of your life.

But, I am not. You were created in my belly by someone who is far more loving, far more wise, and far more worthy than I am. From the day me and your Dad found out we were pregnant with you, we gave you over to the Lord. And everyday I have to remind myself of this. He gave you to us as a gift, but ultimately you are His child, His creation. You are your own person whom God created for an incredible purpose. And I have to let you find that person. I know that if I control and overprotect you, this will only harm you. But it's not always so easy.

Even now that you are just a tiny little man, I see myself wanting to protect you from pain. It's hard for me to let you cry too long, I want to swoop in and fix everything. Yet even at such a young age, I know this would be harmful. If I never let you cry for a little while when you wake up, you'll never learn to fall back asleep on your own. If, when you're a little older, I let you disobey me and your Dad just because I don't like the harshness of discipline, I will be doing you an enormous disfavor. I can't always do what's easiest, although that might make you happier in the moment.

So each day, I am trying to let you go. I want you to blossom, to become independent, and rely fully on Jesus. I want you to succeed, to follow the dreams that God puts in your heart, and never hold you back. The Lord has an amazing, life-filled journey planned for you, and I want you to fully grasp every moment. Me and your Dad so badly want you to follow the Lord in whatever He calls you to. But that requires of me to let you go. That requires me to trust that God knows what is best for you, far beyond what me and your Dad think is best. And so my sweet son, who I adore and would give my life for, I pray that God will help me. I pray that He will help me to know when to step in and make the unpopular decision, or when to step back and let you walk on your own. I pray that I will make the right decisions, not the easy decisions. I pray that when you want to go on your first sleepover and I want to say no because it means you don't need me as much, I will let you be your own little person and say yes. Nicholas, I give you to Jesus because He is the best Father. Go become the man you are intended to be.

2 comments:

  1. Challenged, touched, and brought to tears by your words and your heart.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks friend. I love you!

    ReplyDelete

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