Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Delight

I have a confession to make. Yesterday Nicholas peed right on my jeans. I looked around, shrugged my shoulders, and scrubbed my pants with a baby wipe. And then I kept on wearing them. I had just washed them and I was tired of wearing sweats (laundry day!) so I just pretended it never happened. Something I never thought I'd do pre-baby: wear pants with someone else's urine on them.

It's the moments like this one where I'm amazed at how life as a mom is so different than I expected it to be. I expected to be uptight, stressed out, mad when I got peed on, and angry that I had to wake up, yet again, at 3am. But it is a beautiful, and pleasant surprise, and I think for the first time I really understand the word delight.

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Do you see that face?! Those cheeks! They slay me. I do get a bit grumpy at 3am when I just really want to be sleeping, but then I get one glimpse of these massive cheeks and my heart turns to mush. I love my husband more than anything, I love my family and my friends, but there is this intense, heart-wrenching feeling I have for my son. I delight in him.

Now I know many seasoned moms will probably tell me to guard my heart, and not be too naive. I do realize that there will be PLENTY of days where I am angry and it's not pleasant. Nicholas will disobey me, throw his toys, ruin my favorite sweater, maybe even disappoint me. But I pray that I will be able to always tuck this feeling in the back of my mind and pull it out when those things happen. He is the little person that Brian and I, through God, had the privilege to create. He is simple, innocent, and the definition of joy.

I remember the first time I felt this intense, almost painful feeling of love towards this little boy. This feeling is of wanting to do anything for him, not because he has done anything good for me, but because I got to create him and he brings me SO much pleasure and joy. And then it hit me. The One who created me, who would do anything for me, not because I have done anything remotely good for Him, feels this exact heart-wrenching, jump out of your skin delight in me. Somehow I bring this much pleasure to God. I am so humbled at this fact. The fact that Jesus loves me so intensely, although I could never offer Him anything close to the sacrifice He made for me. We are delighted in by our Creator, not for what we can do for Him, but simply because He made us. I would without a thought give my life for my son. That's what He did for me and for you.

2 comments:

  1. Mack,
    God stirred this same revelation to me at a very different point in my journey with him.

    My husband and I just sent our last two children off to college the end of August. I obtained a part time job working in a group home for developmentally challenged children 7 to 19 years old. Of the six children living in the group home, four of them are in wheelchairs and three of the six do not speak. God has given me a delight in them, not for anything they can do or say - - simply in their existence. After working there for a couple of months I began to ponder how often we feel we have to earn God's love, acceptance, approval even his delight.

    I started working in this home, thinking I would be compassionately caring for these children, providing love and care for them. I never realized how much God was going to use these children to teach me valuable lessons about himself.

    I enjoy reading your blogs and remembering the days my own children were babies. Continue to enjoy your relationship with God, your husband and now your son. It is truly a delightful journey.

    Carol

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  2. Carol, that's a pretty amazing revelation from the Lord. I can definitely learn from you on that one. Thank you for sharing that with me!

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